If movies are the reflection of our society, a film’s audience and their behavior surely defines our social skills.

In the past twenty years, ticket prices have more than doubled. Despite the fact that concession stands have greatly increased their variety and seats are now comfortable compared to the stadium benches of long ago, the problem we face isn’t the theatre but its occupants. Maybe if there were guidelines with basic rules of theatre conduct, going to the movies would be more enjoyable.

Children are not to be seen or heard during a movie.
This means no sound, no fidgeting, no kicking of seats, no movement of any kind from the moment the lights dim until the ending credits roll. Take your children to the bathroom before the movie so they won’t whine about going pee-pee during the best part of the movie. Crinkling of plastic,loud sipping of a near empty soda pop, or smacking of any candy/popcorn is not allowed at any time. This is a good time to define the word ‘children’, too. If you count your child’s age by months, THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE THEATRE. It doesn’t matter if Junior sleeps through steamcleaning the carpet, do not bring a baby to any movie. Ever.

Save the analysis for coffee AFTER the movie.
If you don’t talk during weddings or funerals, have the same respect for others during a movie. And while it may feel like you are in the story, telling the characters what may be coming their way won’t change the outcome. Arguing with the villian won’t help the hero, but it might get your butt kicked in the parking lot, so take these two words to heart when the lights dim: SHUT UP.

Cellphones: 911 only. Technology is wonderful but can be more than a nuisance when in a theatre. Loud ring tones are one step behind a crying baby and should be dealt with in the same manner - escorted out immediately. Dishing about the movie WHILE the movie is playing is bad form. Dishing about your love life, career, children, goals and aspirations, jokes you’ve recently heard, or other topics of conversation ARE NOT APPROPRIATE. Do not be surprised when popcorn, soda, or assorted candies are flung in your direction. You’ve earned it.

So the next time you sit down in the newly designed high back seats with specialized cup holders, look around at the other movie goers. If you are surrounded by small children, some still buckled into their carseats, three grown men with cell phone accessories in their ears, and four women wearing a red hat society clothing, there is only one thing to do:

Wait for the DVD release.