Shiny scissors, leather chairs, and the smell of fresh perms - must be a hair salon! In every woman’s life (and most metrosexual men as well), the hair salon has become the secular version of organized religions: confessional, fellowship, and rebirth complete in one or two chairs.

Personally, I love to get my hair done. I love the anticipation of a new cut, the endless possibilities with colors and tints, and the idea of a perfect perm. The little girl in me enjoys the fantasy of a good hair day, while the cynical adult lurks in the back of my mind repeating the same mantra we have all dreaded: “You can’t get it to look like this at home!”
If you live in a small town and get your hair ‘fixed’ (southern slang), be prepared for your entire life to be up for scrutiny before, during, and after your arrival. This is not up for negotiation.

If you live in a large city and hop from salon to salon, be aware that like Elaine’s experience with her medical chart on Seinfeld, you will garner an unfavorable reputation amongst hair stylists.


Taking these two concepts into consideration, here are a few suggestions that may save you from a bad experience or at the worst, a need to peruse the wig store.

Tip#1: Do not tip your stylist like a waiter. It’s a tough career in and of itself, but when you add on the counseling, life coaching, and unconditional acceptance provided while in their chair, open up that checkbook. Most of us don’t get our hair done weekly, unless you are an assisted living resident or a millionaire, so don’t be afraid to splurge on the one person that listens without judgement to your life’s problems. It’s a lot cheaper to tip them upfront than to erase your identity afterwards when your dirty little secrets are ‘accidentally’ spilled to the town gossip.

Tip #2: Jesus doesn’t do hair. Face it - hair stylists are MORTAL. Miracles are rarely found in a hair salon (other than the rare facial waxing that reveals an upper lip) so don’t expect to walk in Nellie Olsen’s Mother and emerge Farrah Fawcett. It just doesn’t happen.

Tip #3: Resist the urge to lie. It happens to all of us - white lies spill from our mouths when the truth is so much easier but who will know? Your hair stylist, that’s who. Shaving ten years off of your age, name dropping people you really don’t know, and gossiping about an arch enemy will not be forgotten. See Tip #1 for the best way to deal with this problem.

Tip #4: Unless you can fly the plane, stay out of the cockpit…. same goes for styling other people’s hair. Obviously they are at a salon to have their hair done by a pro, so your People Magazine reading opinions are best kept quiet. Unless you want an angry stylist and a bad cut, then by all means tell the most difficult customer her color isn’t right/cut is too short/perm is not wavy enough/etc.

Our society places so much emphasis on appearance that it is no longer a luxury but a necessity to have your hair coiffed. Just remember that He/She who snips the hair, if angered, beware.

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Join us next week for another delightful What Not to Do… At Parent Teacher Conference. Until then, may your hair look fabulous and your past remain so.