Working with the elderly means that personal issues such as bowel movements, urination, and the like are topics of everyday conversation similiar to the color of tinted lip gloss, acne products, and curfews are for teenagers.  During the course of many therapy sessions, patients have to use the bathroom and find the need to ask for help in different ways. 

For example, a 92 year old dwarfish woman with a snow white ponytail and a crocheted blanket issued the following statement, “Girl, I gotta PISS RIGHT NOW.” 
In some countries, ‘right now’ means within the next ten minutes or five.  Not in a nursing home.  ‘Right now’ means either at that exact moment or two minutes ago.  There is no buffer time, no grace period.  So when Miss Persnickety bellowed her need to “piss”, she wasn’t kidding nor was she a light drinker.  In my 37 years of life, rarely have I witnessed such a flood of psychedelic yellow urine pour out of such a small body.  If it were possible to urinate more than your body weight, I think she did but only after somehow tilting her pelvis towards me as we transferred to the toilet so as to spread her liquid joy onto me. 
“Told you I had to piss, didn’t I?”  Her impish grin stained with Garrett snuff, the brand all southern ladies use when discreetly dipping in the nursing home.  “Take me back to my room.  I got people coming.” 
Little did I know that her ‘people’ consisted of a toothless but furry man named Eltis, his twin sister Mellie (unbelievably hairier if that is possible) and a creature that was called a dog, but might be the first cat/dog on earth.  It growled at me, and then I think it meowed.
Eltis’ shirt held a sweaty odor found most often on inside a garbage truck when full of old fried catfish and muskrat droppings.  “You like frog legs?”  He asked me while sucking his gums.  Being toothless, it sounded more like “You mike bob begs?” 
“Uh, yes.”  My standard answer with smile when confronted with an unintelligible question.
“She don’t eat that crap, Eltis.  She’s a dock-ter,” Mellie chastized.  Unlike her brother, Mellie had her own teeth albeit bleeding gums.  Her smile tinged red reminded me of an audition for another bad vampire movie.
“Get on outta here.”  The dwarf swatted my damp pants leg.  “You smell like pee.”

I smell?  ME?  IT’S YOUR PEE, LADY.

You were probably thinking to yourself, ‘Man, I wish I was her.”  Until you read this post.