Does anyone know the limit skin will stretch? 

Let me narrow this search down for you - specifically the male genitalia. 

Now that the blog world’s male population has finished claiming the Guinness Book of World Record in the size area, allow me to burst your bubbles, so to speak, with the introduction of my new admirer, Billy.

Billy is a long term resident in one of my nursing homes with a room right across from the rehab room. 

RIGHT ACROSS, people.  That’s key in this story.

Unfortunately, Billy aquired a traumatic brain injury at age 17 resulting in use of his right arm and leg only.  For those that are lucky enough to not know much about TBI, the age of injury is where the patient remains for life.  In Billy’s case, a horny teenager.

Fast forward 20 or so years, Billy is now in his late 30’s with only three habits - eating, sleeping, and….well, he is still a teenager at heart.

There is a routine factor for many head injuries, and Billy is no different.  After every meal, Billy is returned to his bed per his request.  The window is on his right side but the blinds don’t work anymore.  Unless there is a family member visiting, the TV rests on BET with rap videos and booties gyrating all within his visual field.

And Billy begins to play.

Well, play isn’t the right word when what occurs within MY FULL VISUAL SCOPE looks more like angry wrestling with a dark python, complete with punching, squeezing, thumping, and an occasional twisting that would make the toughest IFL competitor tap out quickly.

Of course, the first six or seven times I had to shield my eyes as I closed MY door (he refuses to have his shut, and the curtain only goes ’so far’) I thought surely this was as bad as it gets.

That’s what I get for thinking.

Now, remember, working in long term care requires a sense of humor that may seem gallowish, or crude, but as I have said before, walk in my shoes.  Or witness the following from Billy’s room after lunch and just TRY TO NOT LAUGH:

Billy assumes his normal routine, battling his own body for pleasure/pain. 
Housekeeper sweeps into room, stops, and leans onto her dry mop.
Billy notices her, continues with his activity.

Housekeeper sucks her teeth, and calmly says:  “Billy, lemme know when  you are done.  I gotta mop up under your bed.”