This is Old Hoss again, fouling up Tisha’s works.  Today I have for thee some undecipherables posing as Q’s for the Hoss.

Dear Hoss,

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.  One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her twenties.  These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment.  Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Mystified in Mississippi

Dear Mystified,

Go to their room sometime along about midnight and see if you hear anybody saying things like “where’s the vibrator?”  That will indeed mean they are Lebanese.  If you hear anything like, “You take such good care of me.  Am I a burden with my cancer?”, they will be an ailing Briton and her caregiver.

Dear Hoss

What can I do about all the sex, nudity, foul language and violence on my VCR?

Hoping to Get Wised Up

Dear Wise in Her Ways,

I wouldn’t get a Tivo if I were you.

Dear Hoss:

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Tenting Tonight on the Old Campground

Dear Camper,

Better lay in a supply of Jim Beam.

Dear Hoss,

I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Losing Ground in Gainesville

Dear Groundless,

I think what he meant to say was “it would happen again.”  Some men are not good with the Mother Language.

+ + + + + + + +

An elderly man walks into a confessional.  The following conversation ensues:

Elderly man:  “I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  Yesterday, I picked up two college girls hitch-hiking.  We went to a motel where I sex with each of them three times.”

Priest:  “Are you sorry for your sins?”

Man:  “What sins?”

Priest:  “What kind of Catholic are you?”

Man:  “I’m Jewish.”

Priest:  “Then why are you telling me all this?”

Man:  “I told you.  I’m 92, so I’m telling everybody.”