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September 26, 2005
Not for the faint hearted
Much to my chagrin (favorite phrase #2), the Women of The Bible interview with Bithiah, Moses' adoptive mother, has been rescheduled. She has taken up white river rafting and will not be available until Sunday.
In almost twelve years of treating patients, I can honestly say what is to follow is the most disgusting situation I have ever experienced with ANY patient. This includes dip spitting women, genital scratching men, and any or all odors eminating from any or all patients.
Transfers are vital to every patient. On average, a person stands a minimum of fifteen times, so I expect all patients/victims under my supervision/control to perform a variety of sit to stand activities at least twenty times. No, I am not related to the Nazis, contrary to popular belief amongst current patients. Therapy should be the toughest thing a patient endures, so life is easy, but I digress.
There I was, minding my own business, as usual (trade saying #1), instructing/arguing with a patient about standing up for the twentieth time.
My ankle itches, but I concentrate on the patient's pitiful excuse not to continue with treatment.
My knee tickles, but I ignore it as the patient finally agrees to stand if I will tell the story of Drunkette once again.
AND THEN IT HAPPENED.
I reach for my ringing phone in my scrub top pocket and saw it.
SOMETHING WAS CRAWLING UP MY PANTS LEG!!!!!!
I'd like to say that I was professional and excused myself to the bathroom in a discreet manner, but the truth is I FREAKED OUT. The patient giggled as I hopped to the bathroom with the unwelcomed visitor trapped in my pants with my hand.
Say hello to my 2 1/2 inch friend:
Needless to say, treatment ended for the day and a two hour deep cleansing began.
Tish Tip for the Day: When in a strange home, wear elastic cuffed pants.
Posted by Tish at September 26, 2005 07:12 PM
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Comments
So funny!! I think I commented previously that I briefly worked as a speach therapy assistant for a home health care organization. I visited some homes where roaches were so plentiful that the family viewed them as matter-of-factly as dust bunnies under the sofa. It was gross, but surprisingly, a person eventually gets used to it...sort of. The stuff I encountered was often disturbing. Your story, however, was laugh-out-loud funny!
Posted by: wordwhiz at September 26, 2005 08:30 PM
GNARGH!!!!!
Posted by: Kris at September 26, 2005 09:03 PM
I once put on a sweater, over my head, only to feel something crawling on my back!!!!!!!!! And to know that I had to pull the sweater back over my head to get it off.......
AUUUGGGHHH!!!!
Posted by: idgie at September 26, 2005 09:20 PM
So that's where he end up. Nice fella, but I just couldn't keep him under control; so skittish... I sold him at auction about a week ago.
Posted by: Paul N. at September 26, 2005 09:23 PM
Lord, I wish I was there! Did you invent a new dance step???? Remind me to tell you the cock roach story sometime.
Posted by: Mike at September 26, 2005 10:06 PM
Oh man, I could have done without reading this after just recovering from not one but TWO spider bites. At least you felt your intruder. Mine obviously attacked me in my sleep.
Posted by: FTS at September 26, 2005 10:41 PM
That happened to me at the hairdresser last week! He put me in another cubicle to wait while the color set and I felt something tickle my leg as i was reading. I jumped a mile, and a small roach fell to the floor. I was totally grossed out!
Posted by: kenju at September 26, 2005 10:48 PM
Snicker. I mean, oh Tish, that's horrible!
Posted by: Paul at September 27, 2005 12:20 AM
OH, that's horrible!!
Posted by: texasbug at September 27, 2005 12:36 AM
Yikes! Glad ya stopped it south of the border!
Reminds me of the time my friend and I were fishin'... and a crayfish swam up his pant leg.
And all that time, I thought Jesus was the only one who could walk on water....
Posted by: steelcowboy at September 27, 2005 05:48 AM
YUCK! I would have totally freaked out too. Meltdown time!!!
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at September 27, 2005 06:42 AM
That's happened to be, but it was a bug crawling up inside the back of my shirt. I felt a tickle on my back, reached around to scratch it, and realized there was something ALIVE in there! I dropped everything in my hands so I could devote all my attention to getting the thing OUT. The people around me marveled at how calm I was, but trust me, I was not feeling calm at all! I am as squeamish around bugs as they come.
Posted by: Monique at September 27, 2005 08:30 AM
I hate bugs ... all bugs ... large, small, hate em!
Posted by: Dumb poet at September 27, 2005 09:08 AM
You had me at the following phrase:
"I can honestly say what is to follow is the most disgusting situation I have ever experienced"
Only to lose me when you showed me what it was. EW!!!
Posted by: sleepingmommy at September 27, 2005 11:42 AM
LOL...sorry...but it reminds me of my own experience with one of these comparative leviathans in Louisiana:
http://www.outofthinair.homestead.com/palmetto.html
Posted by: Skunkfeathers at September 27, 2005 01:34 PM
When I lived in Washington, D.C., we called these things "water bugs." Which distinguished them from edible cockroaches...
Posted by: Old Horsetail Snake at September 27, 2005 01:48 PM
oh god! I would have spazzed too! large bugs are the reason I don't think I would ever move south!
Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at September 28, 2005 12:30 PM