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September 27, 2005
Miss Smith Goes to Washington
Gold diggers Widows everywhere have a new heroine, and her name is Anna Nicole. In her neverending quest for the brass ring, approximately 88 million dollars, she takes her fight to the United States Supreme Court. So she wasn't actually mentioned in the will, big deal. She was married to the 89 year old tycoon billionaire for a record 14 months, giving him pleasure only a former topless dancer/clueless wonder could. Her lawyer, Howard K. Stern, claims it was a marriage between soulmates and vows to see Anna gets her piece of the pie.
Witnesses close the couple describe a loving, almost familial relationship between Anna and J. Howard Marshall II. He would suckle from a large nippled bottle, she has large nipples. When he would require assistance in dressing, Anna would join in and take off her clothes as well. This led to an increased heart rate for Mr. Marshall, and eventual death.
It will be interesting to see Justices Thomas, Souter, and Kennedy look Miss Smith in the eye as she tearfully pleads her case while wearing a transparent silk sarong. Justice Ginsberg may ask a few questions, like how do I get pouty lips and a better bustline, while considering the case. Justices Breyer, Stevens, and Scalia may side with the family simply on the basis of Anna Nicole's lack of frontal lobe activity. Since John Roberts is a relatively unknown AND married, he would do well to abstain from the vote or attending any of the proceedings.
In twenty years, history books will detail this landmark case as either the verdict that vindicated all gold diggers or send them back to the strip clubs from whence they came.
Posted by Tish at September 27, 2005 04:03 PM
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Comments
Ain't no fool like an old fool.
Posted by: poopie at September 27, 2005 05:12 PM
I'm sure it's not about the money but the principle for Anna.
I wonder why the Court agreed to hear this one?
Seriously, I do, what a bow wow.
Posted by: Paul at September 27, 2005 05:35 PM
Hmmm....not too smart to not have once checked on that will detail while he was still alive. Must have been love.
Posted by: Mona at September 27, 2005 05:56 PM
It's not a question of what she is - it's just a matter of agreeing on the price! Re: yesterday A few years ago, I had a child open his lunchkit and tons of cockroaches came crawling out. I was so grossed out. I didn't even know we had cockroaches in this part of the world. I felt sorry for the poor kid but was terrified I might bring home an extra passenger. My dad kept warning me that a roach might lay eggs in my backpack and then I'd never get rid of them.Gee thanks Dad, I never thought of that. Thankfully, my home was never infested.
Posted by: pennyhalston at September 27, 2005 07:17 PM
I put a sticker on your blog finally. It's red, white and blue, and a banging gavel says "Yowee! You've got order!"
Posted by: Paul N. at September 27, 2005 07:28 PM
Personally, I think she should get the money. If she has the money, she'll stop doing media crap, and none of us will be subjected to her babbling anymore. Besides, we can assume she performed sexual acts with that man. Giving him pleasure should be worth $88Mil, would YOU want that job??
Posted by: Crystal at September 27, 2005 07:37 PM
Hoo boy, reminds me of an oldie:
Guy says: "I'll give you $100 to do you."
She: "No way. What do you think I am, a whore?."
He: "What if I give you $1 million to do you?"
She: "Okay."
He: "How about $1?"
She: "Hell no! What do you thihk I am?"
He: "We've established that. All we're doing now is haggling about the price."
Posted by: Old Horsetail Snake at September 27, 2005 07:48 PM
You're...kidding...right? Did I miss this momentous piece of judicial news? Damn!
Posted by: Melanie Lynne Hauser at September 27, 2005 07:51 PM
The real issue is "lack of frontal lobe activity" - there is a lot of that going around.
I'm not surprised to see the proposal of $500,000.00, per person, in Federal Tax Dollars to be sent to New Orleans. Of course, it will be unmonitored and not audited. Hmmmmm , shades of Huey Long - or did his legacy really ever leave?
Posted by: Mike at September 27, 2005 08:42 PM
Can she honestly believe that anything so blatently obvious will be completely overlooked by the legal system? EGADS...how stupid does she think we all are? How stupid is she?? (If she walks away with millions, maybe she's NOT so stupid!)
Posted by: wordwhiz at September 27, 2005 10:12 PM
I don't understand how her case even got to the Supreme Court. What are they thinking? One look in her eyes and you can tell there's nothing there. All you can see is the back of her head through them. Yeesh...
Posted by: FTS at September 28, 2005 01:58 AM
She's both a golddigger and stupid too. Ever seen her show? Too big a trainwreck for even me to laugh at! It's just downright painful as is she.
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at September 28, 2005 09:28 AM
"If she has the money, she'll stop doing media crap"
Um, Crystal, Paris Hilton's got oodles & oodles of money, yet it hasn't stopped her from being a media whore. Anna Nicole is no different--she'll keep trying to be the center of attention.
Like others, I'm completely amazed that the SC has agreed to hear this one. What a waste of time & taxpayer money.
Posted by: Phil at September 28, 2005 10:46 AM
I wonder if any of the Senate Judicial Committee asked John Roberts how he'd vote on this one? With or without a few bills for her thong?
Welcome of the new age of Judicial TV: everything goes (along with common sense, right out da winder...)
Posted by: Skunkfeathers at September 28, 2005 01:02 PM
I'm surprised she can say "supreme court".
I've heard her speak and I wince in pain for her.
Well, good luck to her then. I guess the only consolation is that when you're that stupid, you have no idea you are!
Posted by: idgie at September 28, 2005 02:34 PM
I can't believe this is going to the highest court! What a sham!
Still, if some old, rich fart wants to marry some young airhead, I say HE GETS WHAT HE DESERVES and so should she! I think about a thousand a month would be what she deserves, though, so 14 grand to Anna Nicole! Party on, Anna Nicole!
Posted by: nat at September 28, 2005 03:49 PM