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October 31, 2005
What Not to Do....when remodeling your home
It's inevitable. Boy meets girl, boy marries girl, girl wants new flooring. Children are usually the cause for the new flooring, but that's best left for another post.
The best, most impractical advice is to NOT do any remodeling yourself. Hire a contractor or consult a designer, but whatever you do, DON'T DO IT YOURSELF.
Now for the rest of us on a planet called Earth, you will face one of the most fiercesome marriage tests known to man (other than living on the 'Desperate Housewives' block). It's been said that hanging wallpaper in and of itself can erode even the strongest of marriages, but to take on remodeling an entire room? That requires devotion, patience, and earplugs designed for airport terminal workers.
It's important to note that the woman of the home should be responsible for all color selection, schemes, and decor. That way when she is unhappy with her choice, the man is not held responsible (unless he agrees with her choice and then he can be named as a co-defendent). It is also important to note that men should be allowed to approach all home improvement tasks wearing what they want, using what tools they want, and in the order they see fit. There is no point to suggest a Phillips screwdriver would do the job better unless you are filing for divorce in the next 48 hours.
This is a general list of What NOT to do when remodeling your home and can be modified to suit your needs. For example, if you are replacing carpet with laminate flooring, there is no need to hide the tile grout from your angered spouse or painting the dining room walls while arguing about your in-law's poor timing won't be a good story at Thanksgiving.
*Don't repeat the same question while a spouse holds a hammer, screwdriver, or nail gun.
*Don't offer unsolicited advice. Unless the fire detector is going off AND you see the flames, it is best to let them work undistracted by such petty things such as safety and health.
*Don't supply beer or other alcoholic beverages to your spouse and his/her assisting friend before the job is completed...unless you plan on using the shop-vac later.
*Don't appear frustrated with multiple breaks, trips to Home Depot, and/or infinite muttering while staring at the task at hand. Once, a woman dared to interrupt her husband in mid-thought during hardwood floor installation. The yellow caution tape now surrounds the crime scene.
*Don't encourage small children to learn from Daddy during any remodeling project unless you want them to memorize certain four and five letter words or where certain objects can fit into smaller crevices.
Hopefully, your marriage will remain intact after the last nail has been hammered. It takes years to build a home, a life, and a marriage, but it can take only a few heated moments surrounded by epoxy and quarter round to permanently damage an otherwise sound relationship.
Join us next week when we delve into What Not To do when the in-laws visit.
Posted by Tish at October 31, 2005 03:16 PM
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Comments
I have no even read your blog yet, but see you have a mastiff, too!! Woohoooo!! Don't you just love mastiffs?
Posted by: Bea at October 31, 2005 04:48 PM
Not to worry...I have no spouse to blame I'm doing it all by myself ( what am I thinkin' !! )
Posted by: poopie at October 31, 2005 05:15 PM
lol - knowing you, hubbys safety equipment includes an athletic cup.
When we floored our attic for storage purposes a hammer slid and fell through the opening for the pull-down stairs during a "discussion". My wife swore I threw the hammer at her. Of course, she realized later that I didn't. We still laugh about it.
Posted by: Mike at October 31, 2005 06:11 PM
There's No Such Thing...as A trip to Home Depot.
I thought you knew that.
Posted by: Paul N. at October 31, 2005 07:32 PM
I laughed at the yellow caution tape around the room. I am afraid that my tape would be of the crime scene variety!
Posted by: kenju at October 31, 2005 10:04 PM
I am not married but even when boyfriend is handy I still prefer to hire someone. That way I know it will get done!!!
Off topic, Tish when you get a second could you update my link por favor ;-)
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at November 1, 2005 08:33 AM
Yep, you're married alright.
Posted by: Paul of York at November 1, 2005 10:56 AM
Hello Tisha, nice flooring job. Love the droplets of blood, not mine comment.
Posted by: Joe Cool Cowboy Poet at November 1, 2005 11:05 AM
What's wrong with a trip or six to Home Depot? Sometimes you don't know the exact tool or supplies you'll need until you reach a certain point in the job.
Very good rules. Keep them posted in the garage for future reference. ;-)
Posted by: FTS at November 1, 2005 11:11 AM
After a mix of multiple trips to Home De(s)pot and the corner Quik Stop, and you wind up with professional-looking, hard wood walling, this "what not to do" list is most useful, if too late ;)
Since yours is on the floor, never mind LOL...
Posted by: Skunkfeathers at November 1, 2005 05:43 PM
Oh yes, remodeling is something that should NEVER be attempted by married couples who wish to stay married!
Posted by: Monique at November 1, 2005 09:33 PM
LOLOLOL
"It is also important to note that men should be allowed to approach all home improvement tasks wearing what they want."
My favorite part!
Posted by: Gray at November 2, 2005 08:21 PM
My wife and I are debating whether to test our marriage by entering into the joys of sharing paint and adhesive, so your timely and humorous tips were welcome.
Posted by: Muley at November 3, 2005 11:27 AM