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November 02, 2005
A Seinfeld Funeral of Sorts
On my previous blog, I shared the story of a family member's suicide. Many supportive comments were made and I truly appreciate that. What I wanted to add was a twist to the story, one that only could be seen in the South.
From the moment we heard of the suicide, I was only concerned about my husband and his emotional well-being. The 5th wife of his father, yes, I said 5th, took it upon herself to organize a funeral she claimed she couldn't pay for....that is, until the insurance policy she forged to herself was discovered, but I digress.
Picture this: a grieving son, dumbstruck brother, stunned daughter-in-law (that would be me) and #5 wife sitting with the preacher for arrangements.
"Uh, I want a song played at the grave. My brother plays his guitar really good and I know that Ronnie would want that." She tapped her foot 60 beats a minute. I counted.
I'm thinking, okay, Rocks of Ages, Amazing Grace, you know, hymnals.
"What do you have in mind?" The preacher asked.
"I want that song 'I did it my way' sang. It was his favorite."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I DID IT MY WAY AT A FUNERAL FOR A SUICIDE?
Fast forward to the graveside service. The entire town stands around the tent, my husband and his uncle on one side, #5 wife and her idiot Bassmaster wanna be son on the other. Just when I think it's over, a man with a full mullet stands and strums his guitar.
As he sang the chorus, I made eye contact with one of my husband's best friends, whose face was frozen in horror/amusement. But what really took the cake, won the prize, and buttered the bread was when #5's brother messed up the stanza
HE STARTED OVER!!!
That's right, the whole song, played in its entirety for all of the mourners to hear. I can picture Kramer, Elaine, George, and Jerry Seinfeld in this scene or the cast of 'Arrested Development' to use this storyline.
Moral of the story: Put the songs you want played at your funeral in your will OR this could be you.
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Sorry to repost an oldie but goodie, but we are still in the throes of home remodeling 'issues'. Thank you for all of your compliments and congrats, now pray that I can survive this change without pulling out clumps of my hair.
Posted by Tish at November 2, 2005 10:06 PM
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Comments
This story still amazes me. I'd think you were lying if I didn't know better.
Posted by: Crystal at November 2, 2005 11:39 PM
Oh Lord, that was funny!!!!!!! No one could make this up.
And I just love doing that "eye contact" thing with people you connect with and non-verbally communicate. I used to do that in uptight corporate meetings; to the point some wouldn't look at me because they would spend the rest of the meeting trying not to laugh (the laughing in church thing).
But, those were some good times.
Posted by: Mike at November 3, 2005 07:01 AM
Very Southern indeed. All I can say is OY!!!!
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at November 3, 2005 07:32 AM
Having lived that situation a little over a year ago, and having read your blog for a spell now, there's no way you'd make that up. And somehow, I can believe it ;) Every family has a branch or two in the tree that's...er...'tainted' when it comes to such things.
Posted by: Skunkfeathers at November 3, 2005 08:27 AM
Excuse me, I need to go pick up my jaw from the ground now... This kind of stuff - you can only find it in real life...
Posted by: jenny at November 3, 2005 08:48 AM
It can be very amusing when those slightly strange (or worse) relatives come out of the woodwork for any kind of family function...be it a wedding, funeral, christening...at least it is when they do it at my families functions!
Posted by: Andy at November 3, 2005 09:39 AM
I love twice-told stories of the kind I never heard before. That was a good one. I have always liked the word "botch". You could have thrown that in there, somewhere.
Posted by: old horsetail snake at November 3, 2005 12:29 PM
As the daughter of someone who took their own life I can safely say that was in very poor taste. Did that woman have no clue how the people who cared for him would feel?
I lost it when one of my dad's friends just tried to say to me that we should respect his wishes that "this is what he wanted." But "I did it my way"????
Good lord.
Good luck with the remodel Tish, that's one thing I hope I never have to deal with.
Posted by: sleepingmommy at November 3, 2005 03:39 PM
Okay...
Suicide is never funny -
BUT man... I laughed when I read that they sang "I did it my way."
How did you keep a straight face??
Posted by: Snidget at November 3, 2005 08:11 PM
The funeral story kinda reminds me of what my crazy-ass sister did at my mother's memorial service. (My mom hated funerals, and she was cremated in Texas but had lots of friends and family in Missouri, so we went to MO and had a memorial service.) My sister is crazy, but not in a zany, funny-girl way...she's just a whackjob. She got this idea that mom loved humorous songs, so she had some goofball friend of hers sit before the assembled crowd with a guitar and sing that silly song about the squirrel that "went berserk" in the baptist church--I don't know if you've heard it, but it's like a parody or something, a song kids would enjoy. The premise is that a squirrel somehow gets loose in a church, and the quiet, solemn Baptist service looks more like a revival, with people jumping over pews and shouting hallelujia as the squirrel runs up their pants legs. My two normal sisters and I just froze in horror as this went on.
Posted by: Karla at November 6, 2005 05:07 PM