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November 05, 2005
A wedding band isn't just for decoration, sweetheart
There's an urban myth that says many women find married men more attractive than single men. I must have missed that memo because I was taught married meant 'off the market'.
When I was single, married men were off limits, like shoplifting and tripping old ladies at the supermarket. It's just not done. Sure, there are times you really want that Target handbag or that Dillard's sweater, but do you steal it? No. Rude seventy year old women that ram your cart for no reason, accuse you of taking the last pound of ground beef on sale, and then cut in front of you in line are begging for retribution of some kind, but you don't trip her. You want to, but you don't.
I figure there are two types of women that like married men. Type One is the obvious 'Ho' at every bar, every social gathering, every public place. More than likely she's wearing something that accentuates her figure or her beauty, which I don't find fault in other than she uses these gifts against a vow made before God and loved ones. These women are easy to spot and would be laughable if they weren't so persistent. A married man's ego is usually the only thing stroked by these vixens unless the parking lot at the bar is poorly lit and easily accessible. These are the prototype from which Glenn Close's character in "Basic Instinct" was created.
You've heard of "Gay-dar", the ability to identify a gay man, well, I have "Ho-dar". Maybe I should have a red "H" on my chest - able to spot a hussy at twenty paces...brazen enough to point out fluzies in public. It's a gift and a curse.
Now Type Two, she's the one to watch. She's your neighbor, your Bunco pal, your co-worker down the hall that seems so nice. So very nice. She smiles at your family and coos at your children, but the whole time she is devising a way, planning for that moment of weakness. She's a snake in the proverbial grass of marital bliss. Like tornadoes, these women are unpredictable and have no method to their madness or target choice. The aftermath is similar as well. Broken homes and broken dreams for all involved.
It's too bad there isn't some scan that will colorize these trollops as they enter a room. Think of it as your airport detectors but a morality detector. As she saunters through the device, a loud voice announces "WHORE ALERT - WHORE ALERT" and the security guard can pull her aside for the black light marker on her forehead reading "HUSSY". This would, of course, require portable black lights preferably purse size.
Since it takes two to tango and I don't buy into the "She made me do it" excuse, accountability also falls onto the shoulders of the unfaithful husband. Unless there is a date rape drug involved, there is no excuse for infidelity. Do you hear me? No excuse. Nada. Call me old fashioned, call me a prude, but the same vows a husband repeats on his wedding day still hold true five, ten, twenty years later. Weight gain, menopause, depression - these are not reasons to screw around on your wife. Just because your wife's butt isn't the firm peach it was when you met her doesn't give you the right to commit adultery. And let's face it - what is it? Five, ten minutes of actual physical pleasure? Compare that to years of security, fidelity, and memories you've shared with your wife. Not even close. And if you don't believe women have had enough of your philandering, I just have two words for you - Loraina Bobbitt.
The institution of marriage has become less important every year. Vows that were once held sacred have less meaning than a renter's lease or a gym membership. Wedding bands that once indicated fidelity now mean 'Ladies, start your engine'. Guess it's what the world is coming to, but I don't have to like it.
Posted by Tish at November 5, 2005 07:21 AM
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Comments
I'm imagining the voice of the robot from Lost in Space: "Danger, Will Robinson!" ;-)
Posted by: FTS at November 5, 2005 08:41 AM
Well, nobody is perfect! ;o)
Posted by: Mike at November 5, 2005 08:42 AM
Married men are off-limits, but there is something to be said of how sexy a man is with a wedding ring. NOT that I'm going to pursue him, but that he chose commitment, that he has a loving wife, that he's taken. He's a good man. And that's kinda sexy. Does that make sense?
Posted by: Bea at November 5, 2005 09:57 AM
I'm a single guy who got hit on a couple times by married women; so much for the ring thing LOL.
And yes, I'm old fashioned too: I didn't go there, tempting as it was in one case. Been cheated on in one relationship; I don't fancy being the instrument to help someone else cheat after the experience.
Posted by: Skunkfeathers at November 5, 2005 10:11 AM
SOAP BOX! SOAP BOX! Over here folks, step right up.
Nah, just kidding. What you say about 20-30 years of memory as opposed to 15 minutes of infamy is right on.
I loved the name Bobbit, in view of what she did. Did Big Ernie plan that one?
Posted by: old horsetail snake at November 5, 2005 12:37 PM
Amen! Actually, here's another - AMEN!!!
Posted by: jenny at November 5, 2005 01:04 PM
The world is, indeed, what we make of it.
Posted by: steelcowboy at November 6, 2005 07:22 AM
Good post, well said; and I agree--it isn't one-sided but I hear women getting mad (and rightfully) at other women and I'm like, "What about him?" Isn't he the one breaking those vows? And I see a lot of married women breaking them too, so it's definitely not just a guy thing. You wrote it up good once again.
Posted by: Monica at November 6, 2005 08:16 AM
Well said!
Posted by: Nikki-ann at November 6, 2005 04:01 PM
Excellent in every way. Absolute truth.
Posted by: Mamacita at November 6, 2005 08:24 PM
Interesting. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Posted by: Paul N. at November 6, 2005 09:33 PM
You rock Tish! Well written and I agree with every word. Up here in the great white north, we call it "skank-dar".
Posted by: Kathy at November 7, 2005 07:46 AM
Amen! Preach it, Sista'!
Something for all those married men to remember...Loraina Bobbitt walked...hmmm...
Posted by: Kim at November 8, 2005 01:30 PM
How about a guy whose wife doesn't want to have sex anymore? He has to do without or break up and wreck his kids' home?
Posted by: Paula at November 8, 2005 04:25 PM