« The New John Wayne | Main | Women Of The Bible Interviews: Bernice »
December 15, 2005
...Tish Style
We here at the Sharp Institute have been conducting our own surveys for the last three years on a variety of issues ranging from marriage to politics, pop culture to religion. After months of strenuous labor, intensive statistical analysis, and three reams of recycled paper from Greenland, it is time to release our data.
Topic: College in the year 2017 100% of those surveyed plan on attending college upon graduation from high school, just not OU. (Sampling number 2, Drama Diva and Casper)
Topic: Fast Food Restaurants 75% of those surveyed preferred McDonald's french fries over the competition. (Sampling number 4, Sharp family)
Topic: Britney Spears as a good mother 50% surveyed thought she would make a good mommy, 30% thought she would have great clothes but be a bad mommy, and 20% didn't like her showing her belly button. (Sampling number 24, Casper's Kindergarten Class)
Topic: Saddam's possible reinstatement as Iraq's President 90% surveyed believed he should be put in a long time-out and never given recess while 10% said he would make great paintball target practice. (sampling number 20, Drama Diva's 3rd Grade Class)
Topic: God 95% surveyed believed God exists. 5% left the questionaire blank, indicating they are waiting for either to win the lottery or a lightening bolt strike. (Sampling number 25, JJJ truck stop patrons)
Topic: Marriage 25% surveyed strongly believed in to death do us part while 75% strongly believed in pre-nupial agreements. (Sampling number 10, divorce lawyers eating lunch at Applebee's)
Topic: Terrorists deserving civil rights like Americans 100% surveyed strongly agreed that murdering Islamic fascist terrorists have the same rights as a taxpayer in Cleveland. (Sampling number 246, Congressional and Senatorial Democrats and John McCain)
Topic: Child molesters should be given a second chance in any community setting Of the over 400,000 surveyed, 95% completely agreed that any or all convicted child molesters have the right to live, work, or play near children of any age. (Sampling group, ACLU)
Topic: Decapitation is not a form of torture. Millions agree 100% with this sentiment, and also wrote in other forms of acceptable forms of interrogation including rape rooms, disembowelment, genocide, female genital mutilation, castration, infantcide, and etc. (Sampling group, Terrorists Worldwide waiting for their chance to share their techniques with you and me)
As you can see, we have been very busy with our first polling research study. Now we ask you, the informed and intelligent public, to submit your questions or topics for the next Sharp polling study. Any and all ideas are welcome. Thank you for your time.
Posted by Tish at December 15, 2005 08:16 PM
Comments
decapitation.. torture..
what has become of this humble site?
sheesh! ;)
Posted by: MCG at December 15, 2005 10:59 PM
Boomer Sooners!! :P Come on, I couldn't resist!
Posted by: Crystal at December 16, 2005 12:51 AM
Decapitation, pssst!
I notice you didn't mention underpants on ones head or being interviewed by a woman. THAT is humiliation, torture and horror! I don't suppose you've considered/ polled what the longer term effects are to ones self esteem. Albeit, we might want to talk about OU and the JJJ Truck Stop, too.
Posted by: Mike ( exscientia ) at December 16, 2005 06:42 AM
The sticker I put on your blog today is red, white and blue and says, "Don't Mess With Texas Tish."
Posted by: Paul N. at December 16, 2005 09:21 AM
You want ideas for polling?
Is it Christmas or X-mas; or Holiday or X-day? Or is it at all?
Why is it okay to mention gay apparel in a popular "seasonal" carol, but it's not okay to mention swaddling clothes in a favorite Christmas story?
And what are swaddling clothes, anyway? (I know.)
By the way, in a recent poll taken here in Pancake Flats, 102% of respondants strongly agreed that "The World According to Tish" is an outstanding, patriotic, Christian, high-moral, blog--very entertaining, too. The same percentage voted to tell Tish to keep it up.
102%? Yes, the dogs were wagging their tails.
Posted by: Paul N. at December 16, 2005 09:36 AM
Great questions!! Remarkably candid responses, too! I'm in favor of letting the pets have a vote!
Posted by: Bea at December 16, 2005 11:40 AM
I am sure your readers are dying to know the answer to these:
Topic: Banana popsicles work better than ritalin.
Topic: The University of Texas will lose to USC in the college football playoff game.
Posted by: old horsetail snake at December 16, 2005 01:17 PM
I'd like to suggest some polling questions but the groups you poll scare the heck out of me, well, except for DD and Casper. Those sound like intelligent citizens.
Posted by: Paul of York at December 16, 2005 03:43 PM
Next poll question: if a sheep is ram and a donkey is an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose?
a) yes
b) no
c) huh?
d) non sequitur
e) it's a conspiracy engineered by Karl Rove
Posted by: Skunkfeathers at December 16, 2005 07:55 PM
You might want to do the same poll I have on my blog now:
"Do men get friskier than usual at the time of the full moon?"
Posted by: kenju at December 17, 2005 10:23 AM