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December 18, 2005
Women Of The Bible Interviews: Bernice
Welcome to a new edition of Women of The Bible Interviews. Today we approach a delicate subject with Bernice, the great granddaughter of Herod the Great. As we wait for the appointment in her foyer, we notice many photos of her with her brother, Agrippa II, in what can only be termed as compromising positions. Amongst the wall of semi-pornographic still shots is a small framed portrait of Bernice with her second husband, her uncle Herod, King of Chalcis.
Bernice: (breathing heavy and slightly sweaty) I am so sorry for the delay. Please come in.
Tish: (Follows Bernice into an incensed filled bedroom) Um, did I catch you at a bad time?
Bernice: Not at all. My brother and I were just, ur, discussing the current controversy with your President.
Tish: And what is your opinion on it?
Bernice: Um, well, we didn't exactly finish the debate. Other issues came up.
Tish: I see. Let's talk about you now. What was it like to marry your own uncle?
Bernice: After my first husband died, I had to do something. Marriage was the only option for women in my time.
Tish: But did it have to be your uncle?
Bernice: Oh, you silly girl, what is the difference? Men are men. This whole morality thing your society clings to is so archaic.
Tish: Archaic? Sex between blood relatives isn't archaic to me. It's disgusting.
Bernice: When a dog has pups, does she refuse her sons when in heat? No.
Tish: But we aren't animals, Bernice.
Bernice: Are you going to sit there and tell me that you've never wondered what it would be like to have sex with a cute uncle?
Tish: That's beyond repulsive.
Bernice: Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it.
Tish: I realize in your world uncles were not off-limits, but your own brother? Isn't that crossing a line?
Bernice: A line defined by whom? Listen, there is nothing illicit between me and Agrippa. We happen to very close on many levels. Is it wrong to bond with a person?
Tish: If it's your brother, I'd say there are a few 'levels' that could be left alone.
Bernice: Humph. It's women like you that lower standards for the rest of us.
Tish: Standards? I'd dare say there aren't many standards in your family. Thank you for your time. I'll see my way out.
Reference: Acts 25:13, 23; 26:30
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After a long, scalding shower followed by complete anti-bacterial body lotion rubdown, we are ready for our first Christmas interview with the most famous mother in the Bible, Mary. We wish you all a Merry Christmas and as always, may your post-holiday bills be the same as your body weight but less than the number of toys in your child's closet.
Posted by Tish at December 18, 2005 10:12 AM
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Comments
I'm really looking forward to your chat with Mary. Any hints when? Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
This Bernice post. In some ways I see it as indicative of what is becoming more accepted in this country. A continuing loosening of morals and ready explanations why what was improper is/should no longer be. The mantra of if it feels good, do it. Bernice would never have consented to the interview or questions you asked not too long ago, now she brazenly attacks.
I know Mary will give us a different message.
Posted by: Paul of York at December 18, 2005 02:42 PM
Interesting, to say the least.
Posted by: Crystal at December 18, 2005 04:15 PM
I'd never marry my uncle. Nope.
Oh, about the holiday bills - I guess your talking about pounds then not US currency. ;-)
Posted by: Mike ( exscientia ) at December 18, 2005 07:30 PM
I've heard that uncles make the very best of husbands. I think I'll pass though ;)
Posted by: poopie at December 19, 2005 08:54 AM
Next time try an interview in a Bangkok whorehouse. Then you won't have to take that shower.
Posted by: Paul N. at December 19, 2005 10:44 AM
heh. that was a great interview. But I do feel dirty now. Must go shower...again.
Posted by: meeta at December 19, 2005 12:33 PM
::: shudder :::
Posted by: FTS at December 19, 2005 04:43 PM