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January 18, 2006
THE new religion: Carballah
Madonna found Cabballah, Tom Cruise has Scientology, and Richard Gere embraces Buddhism. It's the normal folks that need a New Age philosophy that we can literally taste, don't we?
In Carballah, we don't judge your diet, your desserts, or your dimpled thighs. We celebrate all things pasta and praise those enlightened with the white flour. Without daily worship, our souls would starve for the simple satisfaction a butter cookie can bring. Who hasn't reached for a bowl of ice cream and found the answers to life's questions? What path to self actualization isn't enhanced by pastries?
Look deep within yourself and ask these questions:
What has a carb not given you?
What has a carb asked of you?
When has a carb let you down?
Where are carbs not allowed?
Who do you turn to when you feel empty, hungry, and depressed?
I think if you take your time, you will see how Carballah is just right for you. Our membership is growing by leaps and bounds (and pounds) every day. You can find our products in every grocery store, convenience store or vending machine across the world. Unlike Kabbalah who has the Red String to protect you from the Evil Eye, we carry the Red Vines AKA Twizzlers to repel any unwanted advances.
Do not be afraid to proclaim your Carballic beliefs whenever heretics such as Atkin's or South Beach Diet followers try to convert you. It is your GOD GIVEN right to be a Carballah disciple. In fact, you would be in the company of almost every single person ever to have walked on the face of the earth.
So go forth and partake of the Carb. Peace, potatoes, and ravioli to you all.
Posted by Tish at January 18, 2006 03:49 PM
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Comments
When I was in college, I could make a meal from mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and cornbread. Can't do that anymore.
All hail the mighty carb.
Posted by: FTS at January 18, 2006 04:52 PM
If that's your church, I'm in.
Posted by: Paul of York at January 18, 2006 08:32 PM
Dude sign me up. How much do I have to pay for it??
Posted by: meeta at January 18, 2006 08:54 PM
I carbed up last night ;)
Posted by: Skunkfeathers at January 19, 2006 10:20 AM
whipped by a twizler....oooOOOooohhhhHHHhh Baby!
Posted by: Andy at January 19, 2006 11:47 AM
Do Allah and the Mullahs bless Carballah? If so, Imuslim in.
Posted by: old horsetail snake at January 19, 2006 12:06 PM
Sign me up!
Piece, baby, piece (of pie).
Posted by: Paul N. at January 19, 2006 02:35 PM
i am a carballist.
all the way.
Posted by: ali at January 19, 2006 02:55 PM
I thought I just read this same post on Poly Saccharide's blog????
Posted by: Mike (exscientia) at January 19, 2006 06:56 PM