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February 18, 2006
Warning: Drive-by parenting post
I think I may have met a future felon today.
Well, maybe not a felon, but definitely a societal problem ticking away in an eight year old's body. How bad? In front of a crowd of adults and children, this child gave her mother the "talk to the hand". This child also rolls her eyes at every authority figure when instructed to do a particular task. She pouts and cries if she doesn't get her way. There is physical aggression brewing between this child and anyone who dares to cross their path. Her obvious disrespect for other children AND adults is demonstrated in every verbal and non-verbal exchange. Some say she needs counseling. Others say an old fashioned butt whooping is in order. Still others say she is expressing herself and should encouraged to do so.
I say it's not her that needs the reality check, it's the parents. Sure, all of our children are precious jewels but there are moments they embarrass us, disappoint us, and yes, make us wish we were harder on them. This happened today in front of one of her parents when my darling Casper became Beelzebub for all to watch. The easy path is of least resistance, unless you have children. As we firmly corrected him, we felt the parent's eyes watching our every move. She probably thought we were too hard on him, but I don't have a child that is defiant to his elders, to his peers, or worse, trouble beyond measure in the not too distant future.
Parenting cannot be learned in books, or seminars, or observation. It's harder than the Peace Corps, longer than a life sentence with parole, and more stressful than the President of the United States fighting a fire by driving a taxi like a race car (that's four of the five most stressful jobs in a row, mind you!) It is also a gift revealed to us in every smile, scribbled love note, and snuggle. It's the warmth of the future we cling to when we watch the news and witness horror from afar. It's love with pigtails and overalls, dirty hands and sneakers. It takes more than love, though, to raise a child. Not a village, Hillary, but parents who don't want to be their child's best friend. Parents who are not afraid to discipline their children for fear of said child's reprisal. Parents who aren't afraid to parent.
WHEW! Now that's off my chest. Join us next Sunday as Moses drops by for a little visit and a light brunch. Until then, remember it's a good idea to keep an extra pair of shoelaces, some toothpicks, and a lighter in your purse or car. You never know when a "McGuyver" moment will spring up.
Posted by Tish at February 18, 2006 10:27 PM
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Comments
And may I just say, Amen. There must be something in the air tonight. Something that makes us look around and say, 'who's the boss in this house anyway?' And high time, too.
Again, amen.
Posted by: Mamacita at February 19, 2006 12:03 AM
Excellent post! I am currently losing a friend due to parenting differences. She thinks I am evil because my kids don't eat candy. Well, they are 3 and 2 years old. I think the chocolate can wait. Plus, I need it for myself!
Posted by: Tammy at February 19, 2006 01:49 AM
I teach many of these kids everyday....they treat parents, teachers, principals, any adult...as they please.
- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- www.daddydetective.com
Posted by: Jon at February 19, 2006 08:16 AM
Let's face it children aren't being socialized any longer. The new socialization is introspective and others are viewed only as inconveniences and to be blamed. Me and immediate gratification rule. This and the fact that children
However, Iran seems to be planning something to address that self-involvement and indifference. ;)
Posted by: Mike (exscientia) at February 19, 2006 09:24 AM
Hey, my sentence dropped off - go figure. This is what dropped off.
"This and the fact that children"
Posted by: Mike (exscientia) at February 19, 2006 09:28 AM
Sounds like this kid's parents have let their little bundle of love rule them. Soon he'll be a bully and later a monster. The kid won't benefit from counseling and it's probably too late for the parents to stop being slaves to their kid.
Posted by: Patrick Joubert Conlon at February 19, 2006 09:30 AM
I give up. :) It did it, again.
Posted by: Mike (exscientia) at February 19, 2006 09:30 AM
Tish,
My daughter would never show disrepect to an adult when I was nearby, because she knew her fanny would suddenly experience an unpleasant sensation. I caught her mouthing off to her more tolerant mother when she thought I was'nt within ear shot. I worried that she wasn't getting it but, now her daughter experiences the same fanny sensations under similar circumstances.
Regards
Posted by: Seaspook at February 19, 2006 10:42 AM
Mine are 22 & 16 now, both wonderful young men. However, they got their butts popped in more than one public place when small and out of line. Back then, even the neighbors, relatives, or school teachers all had legal beating rights to discipline the kids. I miss the days when the whole village took to raising the children. The good old days when crying after a spanking usually ended quickly with the whole family in the FRONT yard eating watermelon and watching all the kids play. Ah, the good ole days.
Here from Texas Connection
Posted by: Malinda777 at February 19, 2006 12:24 PM
You are sooo right on. I parented my children like you advocate. It does become a little more tricky when they reach adulthood. Some compromises must be made. I hope you will visit my blog and click to Curfew, anyone? and give me some advice. Sometimes I'm tired of being the crazy parent. My daughter insists all her friends think I am nuts. I reply, "I am, so what". But I'm wearing down.
Posted by: pennyhalston at February 19, 2006 01:59 PM
Yeah, I guess being a parent is fun if you can stand 18 years of scrapbooking.
Posted by: old horsetail snake at February 19, 2006 02:29 PM
Yes!!!!!!!! I know a family like that. Gahhhhh... I am appalled at what that child gets away with. And there is now no respect shown to anyone.
(ppsssttt.... you can't blame hormones for everything!)
Posted by: idgie at February 20, 2006 04:43 AM
I agree about parenting being a balancing act.
There is one couple D and I don't socialize with much because their daughter wants to be the star of the show. The mother lets the child do what she wants (including taking a whole plate of bacon at a brunch and only eating half of it), and the dad tries to act like Ward Cleaver but he has more issues than Time Magazine.
I try to do my best, and there's sometimes I speak up and tell this kid she needs to knock it off or she's eating nothing but liver and spinach. She listens to me. Imagine that.
Sudiegirl
Posted by: sudiegirl at February 22, 2006 10:25 AM