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February 21, 2006
Profanity sounds funnier from her
Of the hundreds of patients I've treated over the past 12 years, Screaming Betty has to be in my Top Ten Patients Most Likely to Cause a Therapist to OD.
My office was situated next to Screaming Betty's, which was either bad luck or a conspiracy against me purpetrated by the nursing staff.
"HELP ME! SOMEBODY, HELP ME!" Echoed from her room and directly into my bone marrow. After the twenty fifth shriek, I succumbed to her request.
"Betty, you are fine." Staying near the foot of the hospital bed is always the best bet when dealing with a psychotic patient.
"I am?"
"Please stop screaming, Betty. I can't get any work done." After refilling her water pitcher, changing the TV to her favorite televangelist, Benny Hinn, I went towards the door.
"Just leave me, stupid bitch. That's just damn fine..."
I spun around. "What did you say?"
A sickly sweet smile spread across her face. "Nothing, honey. I love you."
Again, I turned around to leave.
"You smell like rat shit, asshole."
"Betty, what did you just say?"
"Nothing, sugar baby. I'll be quiet now, I promise."
The silence followed me all the way to my desk. As I picked up the next note to write........
"SOMEBODY HELP ME! SOMEBODY! HEEEEELLLLLPPPPP MEEEEEE!"
Three months, five days, and six hours of Screaming Betty not only toughened me up for childbirth, but also gave the entire staff a reason to come to work:
Screaming Betty learning to walk again.
To be Continued............
Posted by Tish at February 21, 2006 05:46 PM
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Comments
There's no doubt in my mind that Betty was your initial exposure to parenting teenagers, stupid bitch. I lol.
Posted by: Mike (exscientia) at February 22, 2006 07:06 AM
Geeeawd ;) Hardened you for childbirth? I think she prepared you for urban warfare LOL...
Posted by: Skunkfeathers at February 22, 2006 11:25 AM
That's like the lady in the dining room of my Old Folks' Home. Except that each day eventually somebody came and took her to her room so we didn't have to hear it all through lunch and dinner. Your screamer is far worse.
Posted by: old horsetail snake at February 22, 2006 11:51 AM
I had reason to visit some nursing homes earlier in life and was taken aback by some of the sounds there. Memorable was a woman following me around in a wheel chair who kept asking if I could get her out of there, then there was a gentleman lying on a gurney who felt he knew me and one minute would be yelling a hello to me and the next would be calling me a barrage of foul names.
I remember also seeing one of the most beautiful young women I'd ever seen walking around in white, loosely wearing a back brace, taking care of these people, just like you.
For every one who calls you names, there is one who thanks you for what you are doing for these very ill people and thinks you most beautiful.
Posted by: Paul of York at February 23, 2006 09:47 AM