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February 22, 2006
Screaming Betty and an obscene rolling walker
Yesterday, I introduced you to Screaming Betty (SB), a former patient that had a habit of driving anyone in a six foot radius into a nervous breakdown.
SB had fallen at home and broken her hip after unloading three flats of super sized peanut butter jars and five pounds of chedder cheese blocks purchased at Sam's. It seems SB had a fear of either the Apocalypse OR WWIII, so she stocked up on the essentials. Her husband told me she hid her other purchase, three Jim Beam bottles, in the cellar the day before her fall.
It was my job to teach her how to walk again with a rolling walker. Weighing in at 230 pounds, SB wasn't the easiest patient to manhandle, so I enlisted my sturdy PT aide, Hosea, to help corral SB.
Only Hosea could talk her into standing up without requiring maximal human force.
"Come on, Miss Betty. Strut your stuff." He gave her the thumbs up and voila! she popped right out of her wheelchair.
"How far we going, Hosie?" SB's mousy voice whispered.
"Try walking down to where Tish is standing." 30 feet on carpet should have been a cakewalk, but...
She grunted with each step, but was making progress. I turned away for a moment to watch another patient stroll down the hall and...
"Look at her, standing there, Hosie. G** D*** Fat ass. I hate her."
"MISS BETTY?!" Hosea grinned. "You can't be talking about Tish that way."
"Biggest ass I've ever seen. Bet she stinks like cow sh**."
"What was that, Miss Betty?" I strolled closer.
"Nothing, honey. Just love you, that's all." She reached out and patted me on the shoulder. But as she passed by, she leaned over to Hosea and said:
"Stupid bitch. I wish she would just drop dead."
Wonder if Benny Hinn will forgive her for this.
Posted by Tish at February 22, 2006 04:39 PM
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Comments
Man, Tish, what'd you do? Spit in her Wheaties?
Posted by: Kelley at February 22, 2006 05:08 PM
Good thing she took a shine to Hosea. Imagine if you had to get her up by yourself. Do not turn your back on this one.
Posted by: pennyhalston at February 22, 2006 05:28 PM
geesh and that's what you got for making her walk 30 ft??? What happened when you made her do more??
Posted by: meeta at February 22, 2006 05:51 PM
I just had a good laugh reading your last three posts but more seriously - I wonder if SB is starting to get alzheimers because my granny started being the bitch from hell when she did.
Posted by: Patrick Joubert Conlon at February 22, 2006 06:38 PM
I had a comment ready to go, but was raised to not diss little old ladies. Not that SB qualifies, weighing in at my size....
Posted by: Skunkfeathers at February 23, 2006 08:49 AM
What a wench. SB needs a good kick in her ample backside. Maybe you could do it and then say "Just love ya."
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at February 23, 2006 03:03 PM
SB had me lol, again!! I wish I could have been there to make eye contact - with YOU. :)
"Look at her, standing there. Fat ass. Biggest ass I've ever seen. Bet she stinks like cow'. Stupid bitch." Bwahahahahahahhahahha !!!!
Posted by: Mike (exscientia) at February 23, 2006 03:03 PM
I'm not often speechless, but in this case (your last three posts), I'm going to make an exception.
Hmmm. Wonder what she says about Hosea behind his back?
Posted by: Paul N. at February 24, 2006 12:53 PM